This is a collection of quotes, thoughts and song lyrics that I’ve collected over the course of my life. Some of them are recent. Some of them have been sitting in journals for fifteen years. I don’t know where most of them come from.

• Tell one man your thoughts, but beware two. All know what is known to three.

• The end of man is Knowledge, but there is one thing he can’t know. He can’t know whether knowledge will save him or kill him. He will be killed all right, but he can’t know whether he is killed because of the knowledge which he has got or because of the knowledge which he hasn’t got and which if he had it, would save him. Robert Penn Warren.

• Not only do I deny the allegations, I deny the alligator.

• Who knows what breeze may blow upon the charred log and fan up flame again.

• If you don’t get up in the morning, you can’t go back to bed.

• There is nothing so annoying as arguing with someone who knows what he’s talking about.

• I don’t think it does any harm just once in a while to acknowledge that the whole country isn’t in flames, that there are people in the country besides politicians, entertainers and criminals.

• Most people seeing a man in an old touring car going real slow think the man doesn’t want to go fast, but the man knows that to drive any faster would destroy the car. When he gets a fast car, then he will drive at a fast speed.

• Americans have always assumed, subconsciously, that all problems can be solved; that every story has a happy ending; that the application of enough energy and good will make everything come out right. In view of our history, this is natural enough. As a people, we have never encountered any obstacle that we could not overcome.

• The world is divided into two people who think they are right.

• Little boats should keep near shore.

• The voice of majority is no proof of justice.

• Judge of a man by his questions rather than by his answers.

• All the world is a masquerade made up of fools and philosophers.

• Its a 4×6 cubicle adjacent to another 4×6 cubicle occupied by an overachiever named Irving.

• How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

• Why do you have to ‘put your two cents in’… But it’s only a penny for your thoughts? Where’s that extra penny going to?

• What disease did cured ham actually have?

• Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

• You know what the chain of command is? Its the chain I go get and beat you with until you understand who’s in command.

• Heavy is the head that wears the crown.

• There’s small choice in rotten apples.

• Judge of a man of his answers, not his questions.

• If we’d been born where they were born and taught what they were taught, we would believe what they believe too.

• Let us just sit here and listen as Ronald D. Moore regales us with tales of unrequited viper pilot love.

• My tiny violin, let me play it for you.

• If wishes were horses we’d all be eating steak

• Just because I don’t care, doesn’t mean I don’t understand.

• Congratulations. You’ve both worked hard. In a way, you’re both winners. In another more accurate way, Barney is the winner.

• Okay, I haven’t figured that part out yet, but when I do, its gonna be really impressive.

• Darwin, the ultimate policeman.

• El Camino, the spork of automobiles!

• It would take a very large Clue-By-Four up side the head for her to realize her mistake.

• Raising six glasses every night, just to get drunk enough to love this country like I did as a kid.

• There is a running debate among television viewers, Jennifer or Mary Ann? Isn’t a better question, Bailey or Jennifer?

• If you think you saw a ninja, it wasn’t a real ninja.

• Mom, dad, stop fighting you’re ruining my birthday party!!!

• Careful there guy, your parents divorce is showing.

• Pining for the fjords

• My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. So which one is the real hero?

• Freedom costs a buck o’ five. How much is that with tax?

• My pet cricket has restless leg syndrome.

• As long as you’re dreaming, you might as well ask for a pony too.

• Do you have a open or closed is your mind? If it is closed, maybe your mouth should follow suit.

• Wow, the Jay Campbell rookie card. That guy dominates in the lab.

• Jimmy Chitwood: the original prima donna athlete. “I play, coach stays. He goes, I go.”

• Billy Mumphrey was a simple country boy. You might say a cockeyed optimist, who got himself mixed up in the high stakes game of world diplomacy and international intrigue. It’s a story about love, deception, greed, lust and…unbridled enthusiasm.

• Have you ever heard the expression you can catch more flies with honey?

• Have you heard the expression ‘only a hillbilly sits around figuring out the best way to catch flies’?

• Because the massive media conglomerates have demonstrated so amply their ability to maintain effective, unbiased news coverage even with near-monopoly control, communications regulators ready to loosen media ownership rules even further

• Vista, the operating system that put the “OS” in “POS”

• Ambiguity–the devil’s volleyball

• Statue of Liberty play. Only works once don’t throw it away.

• Don’t call us, we’ll call you. Well, no we won’t. But still, don’t call us…

• Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day, but hit a man with a brick and you can have his fish. And his wife.

• You don’t want to bring a gun to a knife fight, but you want to bring the biggest freaking knife you can find.

• Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

• The lower the stakes, the greater the thrill of the arbitrary exercise of power….

• A pirate may never compliment another pirate on the softness of his hands.